


Oikawa's last breath

by JoyBrown



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cancer, Death, Friendship, Goodbyes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:34:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27827581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoyBrown/pseuds/JoyBrown
Summary: Iwazumi can't remember a time without Oikawa, they had been together, well forever. They had so may firsts together, and new experiences. This was just another one, only this time it was also a last experience.When they first were told the news, Iwazumi couldn’t breathe. His whole world collapsed right then and there, it was supposed to be a minor checkup. Nothing to worry about, Oikawa wanted to go without worrying his parents. Iwazumi had caught him sneaking out of the house, and at first he brushed it off as the idiot’s usual shenanigans. Since he felt partly responsible for whatever trouble he was about to create, he went to investigate.**** This fic is written from Iwazumi's perspective, it is more on his thoughts and emotions not heavy on the dialoged.****
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	Oikawa's last breath

Oikawa Tooru was not weak; Oikawa could take a ball to the back of the head, then give a witty retort and smile back at you. Oikawa Tooru could land on his injured knee and still serve the perfect ball; he could stand up to his rivals like Ushijima. Oikawa Tooru could hold in his own tears and sadness, so his team would never see him cry. Yet right now, sitting in that hospital bed, looking out the window, he looked as if a gust of wind just might blow him away.

When they first were told the news, Iwazumi couldn’t breathe. His whole world collapsed right then and there, it was supposed to be a minor checkup. Nothing to worry about, Oikawa wanted to go without worrying his parents. Iwazumi had caught him sneaking out of the house, and at first he brushed it off as the idiot’s usual shenanigans. Since he felt partly responsible for whatever trouble he was about to create, he went to investigate.

“Shittykawa!” He yelled the brunette turning around to face him. He looked shocked at first before plastering on a fake smile, and throwing his signature peace sign.

“Awe Iwa-cha, are you finally confessing to me after all these years? You do know I only have volleyball in my heart.” He mused, pitching his voice an octave higher to mock the shorter man. Iwazumi with only a water bottle in hand threw it at the man’s head. “Ow, Iwa, that hurt! What are you goanna do if one of my fans sees what you did?”

“What are you doing?” He asked, ignoring the others complaints. Oikawa’s face dropped, becoming serious. Hajime had known Oikawa for years, he couldn’t remember a time where he wasn’t in his life, so he knew Oikawa wasn’t joking around.  
“I’m not feeling great; I haven’t for a while now. It’s nothing to worry about just a cold but I thought I would get it checked out, you know.” He paused, now looking down at his feet. “It’s nothing serious, you know me I’m just being dramatic.” 

Oikawa was never one to admit defeat, even to a cold. If he was going to the hospital it means he must have been dealing with this for a while now. It wasn’t sitting right with Iwazumi, he knew something was wrong.  
“Have you told your parents?” He knew the answer; why else would the stubborn asshole sneak out in the middle of the night. Oikawa just looked up at him; he knew Iwazumi already knew the answer. The shorter man sighed; frustration was a common emotion with Tooru.

“Please?” He asked, sounding desperate. 

“Fine” Oikawa smiled, opening his mouth for some witty reply before Hajime interrupted him. “But, I am going with you.” 

“Iwa it-“

“Non-negotiable.” 

“What are you my mom?” The taller man was lucky that Iwazumi had nothing in his hands he could whip at his head. Instead he opted to hitting the man’s back and walking towards the hospital.

The walk there was normal filled with a comfortable banter, one that came natural to the two of them. They always had something to talk about, or more accurately, Oikawa always had something to talk about. Hajime didn’t mind listening to his rants though; sometimes he enjoyed hearing what the brunette was passionate about. Seeing his arms flail around frantically as he speaks, or his eyes narrow as he talks about his dreams. As if he was clearing his vision to see them better, those things were what Iwazumi loved most. Although that he would take to his grave before ever actually telling him that, Oikawa already had the biggest ego.

The hospital visit was normal; everything was going by slowly but nothing out of the ordinary. Sure they seemed to be taking more tests than necessary but that’s what they do, nothing seemed wrong. Oikawa was telling the doctor about some bone pain, in his knee, feeling nausea, bloated, swelling in his arms, headaches, blurred vision. None of those gave any red lights.

Oikawa needed glasses but refused to wear them, he often over worked himself, so of course those were his symptoms. He knew the doctor was going to give him the same lecture that Iwazumi has been giving him since middle school.  
“We have one more test to run, we just need to confirm something.” The doctor informed them. The two waited in the room playing on their phones. Ten minutes later another nurse comes in and asks Tooru more questions, then a few minutes later another doctor. Now this was defiantly weird, he looked over to Oikawa to get his opinion. The taller man shrugged and they waited a bit longer.

The doctor finally came back in, sitting down on the chair beside Oikawa. “Do your parents know you’re here?” 

“No, I didn’t want to worry them.” 

“I think we should call them down and tell them, is that okay?” Iwazumi felt his hand sweating, his whole body felt like lead. Why did they need his parents, he is fine, Oikawa was just sick. 

“Yeah” Tooru said, picking up his phone and calling his parents. Iwazumi tuned everything out, lost in a jumble of his own thoughts. Suddenly the room was way too small, and he needed to leave. He got up and just left the room, he heard Tooru call out to him but he didn’t have the energy to respond. 

It took ten minutes for Oikawa’s parents to rush over, and Iwazumi waited outside. He didn’t want to hear what was happening, he didn’t. A few minutes later he watches as Oikawa’s mom joins him outside crying, his father trailing out after. Oikawa’s parents both looked so sad. Iwazumi couldn’t bring himself to ask, he had known these two more than half his life yet he couldn’t ask them.

“What- umm is he?” He couldn’t find the words each sentence dying in his throat. Hajime picked up the little courage he could muster and went to Oikawa’s room. Oikawa was just sitting on the bed, when he was Iwazumi walk in he gave a big smile, sadness gleaming in his eyes.

“Hey Iwa-chan, you left back there” He teased, his voice catching at the end.

“What?”

“You left-“ He stopped, he knew what he meant. The perk of knowing someone so long is, hearing one word and knowing the thousandths of questions it represents. “Lung cancer” he paused, smile wavering now. 

“You can still get treated right?”

“Stage four” He felt his heart sink, he remembered losing nationals and thinking that was the greatest pain he had ever felt. This, this was way worse. Every cell in his body was moving, he wanted to throw up. It felt like he was being swallowed whole, like his body was collapsing in on itself. 

“You can still treat it right?” He asked, his voice was desperate. Holding onto anything he could to keep him here. 

“No. I was told there is a ten percent chance though” Now he really was going to throw up, the room was spinning. All he could do was walk over to his best friend and wrap his arms around him. He held Tooru for what felt like hours, and seconds at the same time. Trying to memorize how he felt, the warmth he gave off, his milky sweets scent everything. He didn't feel any different, he didn't look any different, and yet he was. He could feel a change in Tooru after hearing the news and it was the worst feeling. Nothing that any words could ever portray, it was a hurt and loss that couldn't ever be measured.

He couldn’t remember much after that, just holding Tooru, crying into his shoulders, and Tooru comforting him. Dragging his hand along his hair, as if Iwazumi was the one with a ninety percent chance of-

****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Oikawa had been at school for a month before he was permanently moved to the hospital. Not without a huge fight of course, telling everyone he felt better, he could win this. He just wanted to play volleyball. 

The hardest thing Iwazumi ever had to do was enter his hospital room. Oikawa was so skinny; he hadn’t had an appetite in weeks. His brown hair still perfectly framed his face, and he still looked just as beautiful as ever, just dull. His eyes weren’t as vibrant, and his smile didn’t reach his eyes, and he hadn’t seen Oikawa give any of his weird hand gestures or poses since he had entered the hospital.

“Iwa-chan” He sang from his bed, looking at Iwazumi hovering by the door.

“Shittykawa” He responded, trying to pretend everything was normal. “Makki and Mattsun said that if you don’t get better this week you owe them raman.”

“I know they keep texting me their orders! Even my sweet Yahaba did, and here I thought you all loved me, now I see you are just using me.” 

“Then get better, they miss their captain. If you wait any longer they might not recognize you.” They both knew it wasn’t true, the doctor had said he had a month left, but Oikawa had sworn he would win. He was too prideful to die before crushing Ushijima and putting Tobio in his place.

“Mean Iwa-chan!” He whined, pushing out his bottom lip into a pout. With how natural it looked, it almost seemed practiced, which wouldn’t surprise anyone to find out he practiced his faces. “Oh, did you watch the nationals?”

“Yeah, I did.” 

“What happened tell me everything.” He said, cheering up at the thought of volleyball. “You know I was so happy watching Ushiwaka lose and him not being able to go to nationals.”

“You are such a piece of shit” Iwazumi stated, before explaining everything he watched. Missing no detail, he knew he wasn’t able to analyze the match as well as Oikawa would have, not able to pick up every flaw that Oikawa could. He couldn’t tell him which move was the best for each play or how great the serves were, but he tried. Oikawa just smiled as he listened, humming along every once and a while.

They fell into a pattern; Iwazumi would come and visit Oikawa. Tell him everything that happened, bring some alien movies and milk bread on Saturdays. Sometimes the team would all go together but everyone mostly went individually to visit.  
Then Wednesday come, and Iwazumi went to the hospital as normal but stopped at Oikawa’s door. He couldn’t go in, he couldn’t watch as his best friend wasted away anymore. Every time he went he swears he watched a piece of Oikawa leave. He couldn’t do it, and that was the first day since three years, when he went on a vacation to California, that Iwazumi hadn’t talked to Oikawa.

The next day he didn’t even go to the hospital, and the day after. Soon it was Monday and he hadn’t seen Oikawa at all. He felt horrible, Oikawa needed him and he couldn’t walk into that room anymore. He couldn’t look at Oikawa. He couldn’t bear to see his sunken eyes and hollow cheekbones. 

His phone rang, and he picked up the call. Mattsun’s voice blared through the phone. “Get your shit together Iwazumi, go see Oikawa.”

“I can’t”

“This isn’t about you, Oikawa needs you. You’re his best friend and he needs you. The man is dying of cancer right now and you aren’t there with him.”

“I know, I’m just so scared.”

“We all are, especially Oikawa. If you don’t go you’re gonna regret it, he doesn’t have much time left. So for both of your sakes.” With that he hung up the phone, leaving Iwazumi alone with his thoughts.

After that Iwazumi went back to his regular routine, and Oikawa didn’t ask anything about his absence. Oikawa was a lot better than he remembered, he was still really skinny and sick but he was blooming. He was back to normal Oikawa, joking and talking. Everything just felt right. That's why it felt like it came out of nowhere when Iwazumi got a call at four in the afternoon from Tooru's mother telling him Oikawa had passed away.

The funeral was exactly how Oikawa had planned it. The music, the lighting, the speeches, even everyone's outfits. Typical Oikawa to micromanage his own funeral. Iwazumi wondered how Oikawa felt when he planned it, was he sad, no, that wasn't Oikawa. He would have been confident, ready, he would take on death with pride. He always did have the useless pride that made him who he was no matter what, an unwavering force. No matter what Iwazumi felt like he was holding Oikawa back, because Oikawa was so, well he was Oikawa. Enough said, anyone who knew him would know exactly what that meant. 

He got passed a letter after the ceremony by Oikawa's dad. He didn't open it, he left it, scared to make it real. As if he didn't open the letter Oikawa would be able to stroll in, tell him it was a joke. Of course that didn't happen, and he forgot about the letter. 

****************************************************************************************************************************************************

A year later Iwazumi found the letter, or found the courage to open it. It had been so long he forgot if he lost the letter or the nerve. He was ready now, he could face it, and he needed to hear what Oikawa had to say.

Dear, Iwa-chan

If your reading this I'm dead, although I don't want you to be sad. I came to terms with it a week after the visit to the doctors office. Although I knew you weren't ready for me to go, and I'm sorry for leavening you. If only I could have helped you more, I wanted to take you to nationals, and take you on that trip to Nijigen no Mori, to see the Godzilla theme park. I cant now, but I want you to go, and when we meet again you have to tell me all about it! 

I wanted to write down all our memories in here so you wouldn't forget me. Although I am very aware that no one could forget me, I mean I'm amazing. I'm smart, athletic, beautiful, kind, caring, the list keeps going. My only flaw is that I am aware of my perfections, which I think isn't a flaw. I'm kidding, but I thought it would be a waste of paper to remind you of things we both know, and besides, anyone can read this. I want our memories to be just for us, between the two of us. 

I know I never say this, so I might as well do it now. Thank you, thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for being there for me through the good and the bad. Thank you for listening to my rants on aliens and my never ending commentary on volleyball. Thank you for putting up with me, I know I'm defiantly a handful and its not easy. Thank you for being an absolute brute and throwing things at me, or dragging me across the floor. For helping me take care of myself, for growing up with me. Thank you so much Iwazumi, I will forever be grateful for you. I wish I could repay you for everything, but that would be impossible. No amount of tofu would ever cover what you have done for me.

Now for my last point, I've never been a great guy, you know that. I'm really selfish, so unbelievably selfish, and I am sorry Hajime, I'm really sorry. I told myself I wouldn't tell you, no matter what there was no good outcome for telling you, but I have too. I love you, I love you as more than a friend. I've loved you since I was five, and I am so sorry. I know its not fair I know its selfish but I wanted you to know. 

Love,  
Oikawa Tooru

P.S. I still have your sweater so you might have to ask my parents for it, I didn't want to give it back. ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I appreciate any critiques you may have. I am trying to better my writing so any comments are always welcome and helpful. Thanks again for reading. I tried my best to stay in character and true to their personalities, and I hope that came across. Have a great day, I love you all! <3


End file.
